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According to researchers, we complain 15 to 30 times per day, or every 32 minutes, if you divide that number evenly among the (about) 16 hours of awake time we get each day. Yes, we all have frustrations jobs, life, whatever. We can never expect everything to be flawless. But for a variety of reasons, consistently voicing your negative emotions and thoughts is simply unacceptable. Therefore, you must find a technique to handle your concerns by putting them into perspective. Recognize your emotions, but deal with them in a constructive, rather than harmful, manner.
Because complaining dissipates the stored energy, the uncomfortable feelings start to fade when we grumble about someone else. We use phrases like “I’m venting” or “I’m blowing off steam” because that is what we are doing. However, as we’ll see in a moment, this dissipation doesn’t only release the energy; it also spreads it, which causes it to increase.
Furthermore, when we complain to those who seem to agree with us—and we nearly always complain to those who seem to agree with us—we seek consolation, companionship, connection, solidarity, and justification, which replaces the negative emotions with some brand-new, positive ones.
Complaining shifts the balance of negative/positive energy, making us feel better—at least temporarily. Actually, the procedure is quite dependable. Even addictive
Which is the issue (beyond even the lost time): We are enabling the continuation of a negative, never-ending loop, similar to the majority of addictions. The feeling of pressure being released is fleeting. In fact, the more we gripe the more probable it is that our frustration will grow over time.
Here’s why: when we complain, we’re releasing the pent-up energy in an unproductive manner. We practically never voice our concerns to the individual who is initiating them; instead, we went to our friends and families. Instead of directly discussing a problem, we are looking for allies. We aren’t suggesting solutions; rather, we are almost figuratively venting.
Complaining has a number of dysfunctional side effects, including the formation of factions, the impediment or delay of productive engagement because it stands in for it, the reinforcement and strengthening of dissatisfaction, agitation of others, the breakdown of trust, and, potentially, the appearance of negativity in the complainer. We turn into cancer we decry, the destructive force that permeates society.
Worse, our whining multiplies the destructiveness and irritation of the initial issue that we are whining about.
Imagine someone shouting during a meeting. Then you complain about the individual who just yelled at the following meeting (where nobody is shouting). Now, folks who weren’t present at the first meeting are affected by the yelling and get upset as a result. Your brief, fleeting relief is bolstered by their encouragement, which causes it to change into righteous outrage, which causes you to feel the uncomfortable emotions again.
In other words, the energy grows as it dissipates. It occupies hours, maybe days, and weeks of your time in your thoughts. Additionally, you have increased the number of people who are contemplating and discussing it.
Our whining, though, changes precisely nothing.
In fact, complaining is a violent transition to inaction, which might be the worst issue. The necessity to act is replaced. We could use that energy for good if, instead of whining, we allowed ourselves to feel the energy without wanting to release it right away. This needs emotional courage. We could route it to prevent sideways leakage.
In other words, use the uncomfortable sensation you’re experiencing to motivate you to do something positive instead of complaining.
Complaints start a vicious loop that keeps going and going. These issues appear to worsen as you talk about them more and dwell on them more. Consequently, the more you desire to criticize them.
It seems cathartic at first. Everyone is expressing sympathy and uniting around a common misery. It soon becomes destructive instead of beneficial. Everyone eventually feels increasingly concerned, scared, and anxious about the issue as people start to feed off the group’s energy.
Breaking the loop is the only way to control emotion. Stop discussing what isn’t working. Quit complaining about how difficult life is. Reiterating the same old negativity over and over again will not benefit you in any way. Keep in mind that the more you talk, the less useful it is until it eventually only works against you.
What to do instead of complaining?
Complain all you want. Just say it politely and directly to the individual who is the source of your grievances.
Speak with the yeller from the meeting. Speak to their employer if they won’t listen. Say “Hold on.” if you don’t like that notion when it actually occurs. If you missed the chance to say, “Please let’s respect each other in this talk,” meet with them again and say, “Let’s respect each other in our conversations.”
Of course, that also requires emotional fortitude. It’s a frightening and riskier thing to undertake. However, because it’s so likely to be really fruitful even though it’s frightening, it’s worth working on strengthening your emotional courage.
If you decide to go this way, let your inclination to grumble serve as the catalyst for your immediate action:
- Take note of the increase in adrenaline or the impression that something surreal just occurred (e.g., someone yelling in a meeting).
- Take a deep breath and acknowledge your feelings in order to prevent overwhelm or paralysis. Observe how you can maintain your composure in trying circumstances (e.g., feel, without reacting).
- Recognize the problematic aspect of what is actually occurring (for example, it is improper to be disrespectful to others in a meeting).
- Decide what you can do to set a limit, request a change in behavior from someone, or otherwise make the situation better.
If you feel that you may use some expert advice, talk to an Online Counselor and a psychologist of your choosing about your struggles. You may connect with the Best Psychologists in India, Online Counsellors, psychologists, and Online Psychiatrists at TalktoAngel with just one click, and they can help you handle your mental health difficulties and take care of your mental health on your own.
It’s not at all as simple as complaining. But it will be much more worthwhile and fruitful.